june 2 in idea barrages

Alex Trebek over-pronounces “SOPH-O-MORE” like he is trying to chew through drywall while saying it.

Despite a decade of college and internships, gynecologists and proctologists leave school to find only entry-level positions.

In a stunning subversion of zombie cliches, we have roving bands of Midwestern idiots, pounding on government doors demanding the right to be infected with the plague. Jesusing Christ.

The unsavory origins for the naming of the dish “puttanesca” do at least allow us to then create the neologism “pastatute.”

That rare IPA was far beyond his budget but, as they say, money can’t buy hoppiness.

Human dignity is not a market inefficiency, it is the holiest thing on Earth.

Wearing my N95 mask on shift at the cafe, it is very hard for me to not constantly do the Bane voice like “YOU MERELY ADOPTED THE COFFEE, MISTER WAYNE, I WAS BORN INTO IT!”

ProFlowers should have a mascot called Prof. Flowers who has a doctorate in floral arrangement. Like a mad flower scientist.