may 20 in idea barrages

We’re not marching to inevitable victory, my poor generation of Veruca Salts, we’re beating back the tids, teacup by teacup. If you really want a pony, you’ll have to wait for it to be born and grow. Paraphrasing Sagan, if you want a pony, you must first invent a universe.

Pretty soon the internet will have people so kink-saturated we’ll spin the dial and the new big thing will be “Tame Pornography”. Just a medium shot of two people having respectfully consensual vanilla sex. It’ll be the new kink. (Also? “Tame Pornography”? Great name for a band.)

If it’s any solace in the pain of missing “traditions” like proms, graduations, big fancy weddings… remember, most of these things only go back one or two generations for working people, three or four for the rich. Our “normal” was a blip in the 100,000 years of humanity.

A dry white wine. Really dry. Like a wine that makes fun of you but only in a really subtle classy way.

At some point, Daniel Day-Lewis will battle Daniel Night-Lewis and the winner will eat the other’s heart, gaining his power.

I hope Ernest Borgnine has a grandson named Ernest Borgeleven.

The holiday devoted to the celebration of telepathic gorillas, Grodd Friday.

An adequate inexpensive skin care line called “Oil of Okay”.