apr 13 in idea barrages

We will sell soaps, lotions and burlesque supplies. We will be called BATH AND BAWDY WORKS.

Being a Mets fan has given me a leg up in understanding American politics: you can never fall into the trap of overestimating your chances of success just because it’s the team you’re rooting for. Rose-coloured glasses are an invitation to pain.

Everyone is like “avoid Mass gatherings” and I’m like “finally a lifetime of lapsed Catholicism pays off!”

When the BBC runs out of reasons for a detective to move to a small town called, like, Shroppingshirefordale, and solve a disproportionate amount of murders there, they’re going to have to shut the whole thing down. It’s in British law.

Low-key, do Girl Scout cookie sales and Boy Scout popcorn sales and school candy sales indoctrinate us to believe that pyramid schemes are okay? In the moment, they’re good fundraising for a cause but do they accidentally set a bad psychological precedent?

Don’t praise Trump for belatedly sounding almost like an adult, weeks too late into a crisis. This is the same dude who tried to buy the patent to a potential vaccine to consolidate power like a goddamned supervillain, like Lex Luthor’s idiot little brother.

Do not refer to the curvy naga as a “hot piece of asp”. That’s a good way to get bitten to death.

Not everything will be okay. Don’t let people lie, don’t lie to others, some things are going to go terribly wrong. But if we work together, things will be a lot more okay than they would have been if we didn’t. That’s all. Everything is harm reduction.