apr 11 in idea barrages

Yes, I am singing a song about a particularly brutal vampire called “Vlad, Vlad Leroy Brown”. This is what we do during civilization’s collapse. No zombies to kill, just chillin’ inside, singin’ gibberish.

The weirdest fusion of soul food and Utica food would definitely be chittlin riggies.

COV-19 isolation is a perfect opportunity for women to reflect on their crushes on me, accept I’m terrified of rejection so don’t make first moves & if they want time with a chunky-and-broke-but-otherwise-rad dude, they have to make the first step. The time to contemplate is now!

Al Gore would’ve handled 9/11 exponentially better. Hilary Clinton would’ve handled COVID-19 exponentially better. Just enough edgelords abandoned competent technocrats in the face of an uncertain future to let corrupt idiots in. Stop making this mistake, America.

If we can realize that the vast majority of stock market money shifts aren’t real, they’re just rich people shuffling money around under shells and aren’t reflective of the long-term growth of real productive businesses, we’ll have made a first good step.

The artists’ renderings of COVID-19 all look like someone adorably knitted little mittens for the tips of their cactus plant so no one can get hurt and now that you have read this, you will never un-see it.

Is there anything weirder or sillier than running around wearing a baseball hat that names where you currently are? Like, not the logo of a team from the place or a band from the place, just the word or acronym? Like, yeah, sunshine, I know where you are, I’m there too.

You threaten to disrupt a person’s social media output with “I’M GONNA MAKE MINCED MEMES OUT OF YOU!”