barragury 21 in idea barrages

1.) I wonder if the world understands how "that weird girl" is the most romantic pet name that I could ever speak.

2.) Post-doctorate level mash-up: The Eagles "In The Long Run" vs. Lemon Demon's "Hyakugojyuuichi!!"

3.) At this point, I am having difficulty believing this isn't just January and all the calendars were printed wrong this year.

4.) No matter your failings, realize that it is better than being successful but having to look like goddamned Macklemore.

5.) If superheroes were real there's no superhero whose identity would be secret to the NSA for more than 3 minutes & in that something is lost.

6.) What if setting a record for the most wasted potential in one lifetime was your goal? Would attaining this goal be a paradox?

7.) Don't over-analyze that Popeye story. Sometimes a Segar is just a Segar.

8.) Using a beach volleyball video game to time-travel by harnessing its 1.21 jigglewatts.

9.) March, in like a lion, out like a hateful ex burning all your stuff.

10.) He couldn't believe that Jesus's carpentry skills would translate to tile work and to this day he is known as Grouting Thomas.

11.) How is the cat's Fancy Feast most disgusting than his poop? How does that even work? Do the laws of physics even allow that?

12.) That horribly inaccurate forecast wasn't from your local weatherman, it was from his evil dopplerganger.