feb 27 in idea barrages

You have been under the mistaken impression that Mario is his first name. Mario is his last name. His full name is Itsame Mario.

If archaic slang for a handgun is a “heater” then we can totally say that Han Solo carried a space heater.

A discreetly shipped box of marital aids could totally be called a “stimulus package”.

When I was a boy, if you had a summer birthday, you brought in your cupcakes to your school on your half-birthday so, to me, Valentines is dwarfed by the fact that it is my half-birthday. Don’t forget to evoke that I am 40.5 at your fancy date tonight.

An update of the Who’s On First routine would be ruined by “What’s the designated hitter?” “A perversion that eliminates a fascinating strategic element of line-up management so as to placate home-run-happy beer advertisers.”

Step One: steal a self-help book. Step Two: when caught, claim “it said I could help myself”. Step Three: ??? Step Four: profit.

Here is the bad news: it is no one’s job to be your fantasy ideal. Here is the good news: it is not your job to be someone else’s fantasy idea, either. Find someone whose real you mostly fits with your real you and grow together as a team!

A very clever but terrifyingly ominous title for a DESPICABLE ME fan-fiction would be “One In A Minion”.