the first barrage of spring in idea barrages

1.) I'm waiting for the "Flight 370 is a Smokescreen for Crimea" theories.

2.) HOT SINGLES IN YOUR AREA BECAUSE YOU LEFT THE FRIDGE OPEN AND NOW YOUR KRAFT CHEESEFOOD PRODUCT IS ALL WARM AND SPOILED.

3.) Modern gladiators to the (early) death. Playtime psychopaths made slowly real by addiction and brain damage. The National Football League.

4.) Sometimes you rise up from ash like a plenipotentiary phoenix, sometimes you patch wounds with packing tape. As long as you keep moving.

5.) When Harvard's shortened to HARV for a sports update thing, I pretend that they are Harvey "Two-Face" Dent. Because I am a nerd.

6.) I'm basically a fat 10th Doctor trying to hide mournfulness behind a wall of wacky when I wanna be either badass like 4 or dashing like 8.

7.) Don't be dicks about Fred Phelps dying, you guys. He was a hateful bigot but it's our job to be better than him.

8.) I'd do a parody of Weird Science that'd be called "Weird Silence" then just be awkwardly silent but it might be too performance-arty.