jan 6 in idea barrages

IKEA killed early 90s metal by using up all the umlauts.

Paul Rudd ate Dick Clark’s heart and gained his power.

A pastry in the form of Adam Driver called “Phyllo Ren”.

Arranged marriage is just sex trafficking with extra steps.

This life is a series of lessons on the subject of letting go. Avoid learning the lessons at your peril because the lessons will keep being taught either way. Learn how to let go, fight it and it will only hurt worse, the lessons will only become harsher yet.

You never see Count Von Count using his vampire ability to telepathically control vermin. “You’ve gone too far, Oscar, that’s 50, 50 dire rats devouring your body, ah ah ah!”

Realizing that no opinion has ever been changed via social media interaction in the history of computers ever helped me use social media a lot better. Now I mostly just write jokes, promote shows & see if people I knew in high school are still attractive. It is better this way.

They should call New Years Eve in Times Square “Hitler Puberty” because it’s all a bunch of fuss over one ball dropping.