nov 23 in idea barrages

Big Guitar is just playing Guitar Leftists and Guitar Rightists against the Guitar Center. Wake up, sheeple.

If you pick up and throw the guy dressed as Elmo in front of Times Square as far as you can, as long as you yell “SESAME YEET!” while you do it, the police will not allow him to press charges. They will just give you a gift certificate to the Olive Garden.

Blackjack dealers do not like being referred to as “Shuffleupagus”. Tip them so well that they pretend not to be bothered by it.

Your album of muzak covers of Hannah Montana songs will be called MILDLY CYRUS.

A “Tommy Boy” costume and a Boris Johnson costume are the same costume.

A ’90s extreme version of Peter Luger’s Steakhouse called COCK HOWITZER’S MEATPALACE.

A sitcom about the romances of the first sentient A.I. called THE MANY LOVES OF ADOBE GILLIS. (It could also be about the romances of The Golem of Prague too, if you’re feeling saucy.)

Dear MLB.com, maybe if you had the rest of the playoffs on channels you don’t need Platinum Tier Cable to watch, you could’a built an audience to watch the World Series this year! Y’know. Sometimes you forgo short term profits for long term success, if you’re sane.