oct 28 in idea barrages

Dungeons and Dragons has a new wizard of Onomancy, the magic of true names, which is cool but I first read it as “Onanmancy” which would be… uh… a much more interesting way of conjuring.

Your chip-tune act will be called Battletoads Galactica.

Nutella ruins the deliciousness of chocolate with a taint of acrid hazel yet Nutella is intensely popular because a whisper of hazelnut allows you to pretend you’re not just squirting Quik on your toast. Release yourself of Nutellious pretension. Enjoy your choco-toast in full instead.

The next step in marketing to foodie goths: grave-aged cheddar.

Jacob Marley died due to a parasitic infection in his colon caused by being so cheap that he ate unsafe food. When Scrooge first heard the diagnosis, he was heard to exclaim “Ha! Bumbug!”

Your band will play communist yacht rock under the name “Nikita Cruiseship”.

If Zappa’s kid put out a wine, he could call it “Vin Dweezil”.

Schadenfreude is one of life’s cringe benefits.