oct 25 in idea barrages

My mental state today: what are all those cars doing in front of that church? Oh. Right. Church.

If you spiritually identify as a woman’s shoe, are you a pump-kin?

I am the kind of nerd who always when someone uses the acronym “BAMF” has to take three seconds to realize that people are covering up their swearing with an acronym, not making a sweet reference to the X-Men character Nightcrawler.

A necklace that explains what a necklace is should be called a pedant pendant.

The great thing about the Stewarts chain is that you can go in there and genuinely not know if that person in front of you in line is a redneck, a hipster making fun of redneck attire or possibly even a redneck making fun of hipsters. But… it’s one of the three.

Whenever people refer to autumnal tourism as “leaf peeping”, I can’t help but imagine them urinating a stream of leaves. Which, honestly, sounds painful.

If only charcoal were actually coal and not partially-burnt wood, you could walk into every barbeque, say “I can smell what the rocks are cookin’!” and it would be technically funny, from a strict position of comedy legality.

The term for getting off on the overpronounciation of Godzilla character names is “Ghidorahsexuality”.