sept 29 in idea barrages

An elderly GNR cover band called DNR.

Mantras are really just trance formers.

The Bills being better than the Giants or the Jets is like being the smartest guy at a Trump rally. Technically true but holy crap, you are setting the bar unconscionably low to get there.

The cool thing about being me is that, as a middle aged guy progressing down from Super Fat to Slightly Chonky when all the other guys my age are progressing up from Fit to Super Fat, I keep getting more attractive relative to my age range. By 115, I’mma be one hot fossil.

Probably the best thing about being conventionally attractive these days would be occasionally vaguebooking hints that there’s trouble in your relationship, just to see The Thirst Squad pour out of the floor with “support” like 10,000 clowns from a VW Bug.

Whenever I hear about a breakthrough in male oral contraceptive, I just want to tell them how we’ve had them since the middle Nineties, they’re called “Dave Matthews covers”.

Always carry with you a cache of miniature stocking hats so that you can ask “are you up for a little night cap?” then daintily place it on the head of the person who says “yes”.

In Soviet Russia, party has any excuse for YOU.