sept 11 in idea barrages

The grossest Halloween food product you could make to trend online but wouldn’t be good: “candy-cornish game hen”.

I am probably, like, the cauliflower crust pizza of men. Like, I am probably not as exciting but I am significantly less harmful and, hey, I’m still pizza.

She was almost fired for arts and crafting when she was supposed to be working. “Don’t Quilt Your Day Job!” the foreman yelled.

The nerdiest truck driver would call his rig “The Colossus of Roads” and it’d make him feel really smug when other people wouldn’t get it.

“What did you say you called that sandwich?” “A Monte Crisco.” “You mean a Monte Cristo? You shouldn’t eat those, they’re really unhealthy.” “You heard what I said, it’s a Monte Crisco… and it’s even more unhealthy.”

If only The Mummy had knowledge of popular culture, he could’ve made cool action quips. Overwhelmed in battle, he could’a been all “I’m a little wrapped up right now.” He could be feeding people to his scarabs and be all like “MEET THE BEETLES!”

It’s very situational but if you are looking to date divorcees and your name is Jeff, you have access to the powerful pick-up line “Choosy Moms Choose Jeff”.

If Nickelodeon had really been looking to grow up with its audience, ARE YOU AFRAID OF THE DARK’s follow up on Teen Nick would’ve been ARE YOU AFRAID OF THE NARC but, as with all cultural failures, they made the mistake of not consulting me.