sept 2 in idea barrages

If you’re having pumpkin spice anything before there’s actual pumpkins with which to make actual fresh pumpkin syrup, you aren’t having a “pumpkin spice” nothing, you’re paying Starbucks extra to whip some nutmeg sweepings into your froth.

You will be a rapping psychoanalyst and you will be called Jung MC.

Bonus points for Lana del Rey’s Sublime cover, I can actually understand her. For years, i wondered why he was name checking Gilligans Islands Tina Louise. It was “me and Marie.” all along!

Your roller derby name will be Helena Handbasket.

I looked up “Gwar Wars” on google image search and didn’t find the word “Gwar” in the Star Wars font and, like, a little more of my faith in humanity shriveled away.

I’m not as goofy as I look in photos, I just have Resting Buffoon Face.

A threesome with Mister Peanut and Alfred Pennyworth would make you the middle of a peanut butler sandwich.

You can’t spell “stud” without “STD”. I’m just layin’ down truth here. A stud is just an STD in u.