july 17 in idea barrages

1.) Your really posh rap group will be called Haughty By Nature.

2.) The most revolutionary thing we could add to the Star Wars universe would be, like, a planet with more than one biome. Like a planet that has forests AND seas AND snow AND sand, like just about any habitable planet would actually be. That’d be fun.

3.) The greatest ad for Duolingo or Rosetta Stone ever would involve a parody of “Turning Japanese” as “Learning Japanese” but, of course, neither asked me so they’re outta luck.

4.) Every video rental store you’ve ever been in is now boarded-up, a different kind of store now or completely torn down. Those places now only exist in your mind, you can never go back.

5.) I’d never considered the irony that Jar Jar Binks, one of the worst film characters (non-Mike-Myers division) in history, was played by a man with the last name “Best” before but now that I have, I now believe that if there is a God, God’s clearly a troll.

6.) Some write to give characters the happy endings & power fantasies they wish they had. Others write to beat up characters the same way life beat them up except w/ a rhyme & reason life never gives. The latter actually more unrealistic than the former.

7.) I mean, we have had a television show called “Shasta McNasty” for God’s sake and “Kate Plus Date” still tops it as the dumbest television show title of all time.

8.) In Soviet Russia, phone answers YOU! (Also with Siri or Alexa. Which… should tell you something.)