july 15 in idea barrages

1.) The realization that in 2019 if “WKRP in Cincinatti” were real, it would now just be an unmanned station that repeated a Tony or Jack satellite programming feed beamed out from like Scottsdale Arizona, I have to admit, it’s kind of depressing.

2.) Sometimes my life just seems like a trail of squandered opportunities in ruins behind my indecisive ass. Sometimes I remember that many more opportunities lay in front of me that I still might get to live out. I try my damnedest to focus on the latter.

3.) If you order a ham and swiss, hold the cheese, I’m gonna call it “The Culkin” because it’s ham alone.

4.) Having one of my rare “if you don’t mind 30 extra lbs, I’m modestly good-looking” days so I’m gonna revel in it. It helps that I’m sliding into middle age without deterioration accelerated by fatherhood, manual labour, alcoholism or “ever going out in the sun”, of course.

5.) On any given episode of Four Weddings, the tallest wife is always the cutest. We call this “Khloe Kardashian’s Law”.

6.) Some people come to love through faith and that’s great. I’m not built like that, I come to love through compassion. Different paths to the same place to help each other in different ways. It’s not important which way we get there, it’s all in what we do.

7.) I couldn’t tell you who murdered that dryad, I guess we’re all just stumped.

8.) When the hipsters finally take over, legally everything will have to be aged in bourbon barrels. Except for actual bourbon, somehow.