july 7 in idea barrages

1.) One thing that’s good in our cultural landscape: Duncan Yo-Yos never tried busting out a “Duncan Means Yolos” ad jingle to try and appeal to the kids.

2.) Is someone who studies the high school in Utica a proctorologist?

3.) He puts on a brave face but you can tell that the Kool-Aid Man is really suffering after decades of smashing himself through walls like that. I don’t envy him, the pour guy.

4.) Yeah, I’d read a self-help parable about a bird who lives only to perfect the art of kickboxing called JONATHAN LIVINGSTON SEAGAL but I’ll admit, I’m weird.

5.) A movie about a world where everyone has forgotten about the songs of Smashmouth except one guy who, being a kind and loving person, keeps it to himself.

6.) Yeah, “Garfield Minus Garfield”, that’s cool. But do you know what’s REALLY cool? “Wuthering Heights Plus Heathcliff The Cat”.

7.) Go around claiming that A Christmas Story is your favorite Die Hard film.

8.) “Ariel is white!” some idiot says. She wasn’t of European ethnicity for any narrative reason (she was half-fish for Christ’s sake) just that back then, northern European was unfairly the default ethnicity. We’re growing up as a culture. Join us in adulthood.