june 11 in idea barrages

1.) I saw a box labeled Mango Chunks and realized that’s now my rap name.

2.) Exhaustion from paper grading is called correctile dysfunction. The only effective treatment is to drop out of academia and become an art bum.

3.) Taking the tip money you made at a cafe that closes in the afternoon and spending it at a different cafe that’s open at night is the most me thing I’ve ever done.

4.) The arts are just like being a CEO: steal from one person, they put you in jail, steal from enough people at once, they give you a medal.

5.) Yeah, you could put your bird through a bachelor’s and six years of grad school and get yourself a full-fledged keet but an associates’ from a community college could get you a parakeet that could do like 83% of the things your keet could.

6.) Garfield hates Mondays because, in a lasagna-starved rage, he murdered Jon’s roommate Lyman on a Monday. He hates Monday not because its the beginning of the week but rather because it reminds him he is a killer & can never take that back.

7.) Chicago loves playing food pranks on gullible outsiders, like with Old Style beer and malort and pizza that is basically bread lasagna. They can’t be as cool as NYC or as weird as LA so they spend their time nailing down food-trolling.

8.) You can say a lot about the aching heaving stupidity of our culture but, hey, at least we didn’t make the Johnny Depp LONE RANGER a hit. That’s about where we draw the line.