may19 in idea barrages

1.) Your band will be called Square Bob’s Spongebath.

2.) Down the highway, plastic signs alternate for Pop Warner football sign ups and psychic readings, both selling desperate hope for greatness, merely different kinds of disaster at the rainbow’s end.

3.) At the beer tasting, go on and on endlessly about the flavour’s yeast inflection.

4.) Our nation falling apart, tearing out the stitches of old wounds from inside out, the South rising again to make slaves of women, I try to remind myself, at least I got to celebrate the death of The Big Bang Theory before it entirely imploded.

5.) He was already a bat man with a bat, man, when he played a baseball-loving vampire, he’s just closing the loop.

6.) I mean, I’m not saying I’m big on “disposable income” right now but I think a lot of people would buy shirts that just said GWAR but in the Star Wars logo font.

7.) TWINS except they were trying for peak-Americaness instead of perfection and Guy Fieri is, like, the good twin and Trump is the leftover genetic garbage no one wants to talk about.

8.) Vanilla Ice ruined an entire potential revenue stream for Slush Puppies just with his choice of stage name. Mr. Puppies should definitely sue.