may6 in idea barrages

1.) Your vegan metal band will be called DESPAIRAGUS.

2.) Yesterday was the Star Wars holiday, today is the hard liquor holiday… may the fifth be in you!

3.) Asked what the five hour long practice was like for their high school production of OLIVER, she could only say “grueling”.

4.) I mean, yeah, I was singing “Galoob is in the house” to the tune of “The Groove Is In The Heart”. I’m too old to apologize for these things.

5.) You know you’re slumping toward middle age when you think “V-8! What a treat!”

6.) I get that there’s easy money in remaking classics for nostalgia bucks, go with God if you’re that hard-up for quarterly earnings, but don’t call them “live-action remakes” if they’re 83% CGI anyway.

7.) Katy Perry is a black hole of marketable blandness, nothing interesting can pass her event horizon without being consumed and annihilated.

8.) Your REM parody about Battlefield Earth will DEFINITELY be called “It’s The End Of You, Terl, And You Know It”.