apr23 in idea barrages

1.) Sunday driving at sunset Easter night, red skies at my back, a rainbow in front of me, the haziest vaguest rainbow you ever saw but a rainbow nonetheless and that’s also how I felt.

2.) They didn’t hate Tiger Woods for being a philanderer or a menace on the road, they hated him for no longer being good at his job and the moment he was good again, he was totally forgiven. Is this the American story writ large again as farce?

3.) So often when a fraud or hoax is revealed, people secretly aren’t mad they were conned, they’re mad the person was dumb enough to get caught & break the spell. They wanted to believe an impossible thing & now they can’t, that’s the real crime.

4.) As Trump is standing up there, they can pretend America’s downfall was gays & uppity women, blacks Muslims & Hispanics all taking too much. With Trump gone, they’d have to face that it was their rich old white heroes stripping America’s walls to sell the copper wire.

5.) Found out my dad had convinced someone a rustic footstool made at a cousin’s Boy Scout camp had belonged to our neighbor Walter’s father 100 years ago, as a benign prank. These are the presents loved ones leave behind, even after they’re gone.

6.) Suddenly I was struck by the idea of Hunter S Thompson as Batman’s butler instead. “Why do we drink, Master Wayne?” “To become beasts and kill the pain of being men.” “You’re goddamn right, rich boy. Let’s get drunk and beat up some clowns!”

7.) We aren’t humble-bragging about our disconnection from popular culture when we say we don’t watch GAME OF THRONES, we are telling you we’re too broke to afford the pay channels.

8.) If you wanna leave graffiti that is doubly obscure, scrawl WHO OMBUDS THE OMBUDSMEN? all over a wall.

9.) Every time I read about “The Opioid Crisis” I kind of wish it was just that we had to battle hoards of robots that took the form of Ron Howard in an attempt to sway us to their side.

10.) If I could start a town in New Mexico, I would call it “Lies or Consequences”.