apr7 in idea barrages

1.) Half-man, half-fish, all death. Jeffery Dahmermaid.

2.) I mean, yeah, we could write a parody of the Guess Who’s “American Woman” about Oktoberfest and call it Bavarian Woman. It would never be of any USE but we could DO it.

3.) The first rule of Fiat Club is don’t talk about the gold standard in Fiat Club. The second rule of Fiat Club is don’t talk about the gold standard in Fiat Club.

4.) Why haven’t we been calling that ugly-ass alt-right undercut hairstyle a “bro-hawk”? It seems so obvious.

5.) Sherlock Holmes, his housecat playfully hunting and attacking his toes, hella yellin’ “THE GAME IS A FOOT!”

6.) One of my greatest achievements is that while I know there’s something called “baby shark” going through pop culture (a children’s song, maybe?) I’ve managed to have no direct contact with it whatsoever. It’s one of the few good things about getting old.

7.) The sausage factory ran out of tubes for its brats, it was a wurst-casing scenario.

8.) Step One: name your child Awareness. Step Two: start a bunch of fundraisers to raise Awareness. Step Three: ??? Step Four: Profit.

9.) I can’t help but sing the Cracker song Low as “a million miles to Mozambique! a million miles, a million miles!”