apr3 in idea barrages

1.) “I now call to order this month’s meeting of the state hysterical society” the well-dressed woman intoned and then everyone in the room started screaming at the top of their lungs.

2.) A film about adorable puppies and kittens training to be priests called PET SEMINARY.

3.) Step 1: affect a really bad Australian accent and an easily-angered personae. Step 2: claim the stage name “Yahoo Furious”. Step 3: ??? Step 4: PROFIT.

4.) She wanted to return to the zoo but her disastrous last visit left her feeling gnushy.

5.) Maybe the Santa Anita racetrack is just cursed because it’s built on top of a recent equine burial ground.

6.) The greatest April fools the devil ever pulled was convincing people that April fools were funny.

7.) Your comedy of romantic errors amongst the high society of wealthy stoners will be called “Sense And Sinsemilla”. It will be… pretty terrible.

8.) Your craft distillery will be called O’Romanov’s and your cornerstone product will be “O’Romanov’s Fine Irish Vodka”.

9.) I have decided that possums are now called “tree-weasels”. Please note the change.

10.) The real King of Queens, not the Kevin James pretender, was named Murray Antoinette and was known for his catchphrase “LET ‘EM EAT PIZZA!”

11.) If Krang’s robot body could transform into a tank, since he was a disembodied brain, they could’ve called the toy Think Tank and sold millions but nobody asks me.

12.) “Lonely academic has trouble trying to make friends” is a totally valid plot summary for FRANKENSTEIN.

13.) It’s hard to eat just a little pasta. You know what they say, in for a penne, in for a pound.

14.) Declare your candidacy now as the Hesitant of the United States.