mar26 in idea barrages

1.) This NCAA tournament needs to be sponsored by Tums because it is chalky as hell.

2.) I wouldn’t wish my nightmares on the worst person in the world, even when I’m in a mood when I think I’m the worst person in the world. There are few more confusing dreams than the ones where your partner in the dream is a mashed-up amalgam of an ex and a person you dug but never got with. Mixed. Feelings.

3.) FUN FACT: during the editing of Deadpool 2, not even Ryan Reynolds himself could tell which scenes he was playing Deadpool and which scenes Dane Cook was playing Deadpool.

4.) Coping with loneliness is like flexing a muscle. For a while, it’s just a normal thing you have to do sometimes but too long, it’s a cramp then a full charlie-horse until the point you’ve been in agonizing spasm so long you don’t even know how to un-flex.

5.) Theranos snapped their fingers and all the investors money turned to dust and blew away.

6.) Less “jack of all trades, master of none” more “ace of spades, master of puppets”.

7.) If you had to make up an imaginary Midwestern bland senator from the Midwest, as a joke to underline how there’s so many Democratic candidates in 2020 that you can just slip in made-up names, “Amy Klobuchar” would be a great made-up name for that.

8.) I still say we should be referring to the Fyre Festival as “Brochella”.

9.) Sexuality and gender expression are not choices. You are either born that way or the Harry Potter lady tells you what you are and you become that but it is not a choice.

10.) The smoking industry secretly makes vapes look that uncool so that people will still smoke cigarettes.

11.) If you were bad before Easter, though, Jesus would take your pretty pastel eggs and turn them brown, Christ dyed for your sins.

12.) The fact that the British call a dessert “spotted dick” could just be a coincidence but they also call other desserts a “pud” so it’s clear they’re just doing this to mess with Americans.