mar7 in idea barrages

1.) When you accept we’re all just mostly water, you’ll finally be able to accept how changeable we all are, we are none of us just one thing, we freeze, we steam, we sublimate, it happens.

2.) I’m giving up Lent for Lent.

3.) You don’t have to be married to tell telemarketers you can’t agree as your spouse needs to be consulted. No just God would ding you for lying to telemarketers, any more than saying “thou shalt not kill” would count against vampires or zombies.

4.) Would you write a Batman story in the 1960s where Robin got drafted into the Vietnam War, just so that you could title it “Major Dick”? I mean, yeah, who wouldn’t?

5.) If Doctor Kegel were alive today, even he would admit that “sexercises” would be a better name for them.

6.) If you go to the Waffle House and are indecisive about your order until the server calls you on it so that you can say “I thought this was the waffle house!”, yes, it’s funny but tip them very very well for putting up with your bullcrap.

7.) If you’re drunk at 3 in the afternoon, you are either an enormous failure or an enormous success. Ain’t no middle ground to being drunk at 3 in the afternoon.

8.) Aren’t cowboy hats really just ranch dressing?

9.) God perfected irony the day She chose to make the least cool person in history and have him named “Dave Coulier”.

10.) Always keep a dasikal in your pocket so no one can accuse you of lack of dasikal.

11.) Your film about Chevy Chase accidentally saving the galaxy by being a really bitter jerk while kidnapped by aliens will be called FLETCH GORDON. It’s gonna be the worst thing since TRANSFORMERS 4: THE RISE OF TAJ.

12.) The more of our banking and commerce become digital, the more literally money becomes not an object.

13.) Of course people who don’t believe anyone could honestly be a good person call it “virtue signalling” as opposed to, y’know, just being a good person. It’s not signalling, it’s just virtue.

14.) If Pooh-Bear injured himself while stuck in that tree, was it a honey boo-boo?