fe7 in idea barrages

1.) It’s amazing they’re ending BIG BANG THEORY after 53 seasons. Did you know that nerds are fey and obsessive? Big Bang Theory taught us this for 107 years straight, first starting as the first radio drama on KDKA Pittsburgh. The national nightmare finally ends. The rich history of BIG BANG THEORY started as traveling shows in the 1800s American South, where singers would don thick glasses & bowties (known in the business as “Sheldonface”) & sing the word “Math!” over & over again in a nasal voice for hours at a clip.

2.) I like to believe that Mos Def has a very boring cousin called Les Def.

3.) You spend life knowing they use your fears against you, never considering how they use your dreams against you far more effectively. They can use your fears to get you to hang other people but only with your dreams can they get you to hang yourself.

4.) When the world was vast & humans were few, I guess greed tribalism and acquisition were pretty good drivers of survival, however cruel it all was. But now the world is small & we are many & these old habits will be what destroy us. Awful but poetic, I guess.

5.) An alternate future comic about a daughter of Batman and Catwoman named Lilian, for the expressed purpose of writing as many “Lil Wayne” jokes as possible.

6.) Yeah, staring into the abyss until the abyss stares back is cool but have you ever tried staring into the abyss until the abyss finds you beneath staring back into so you return to the world having learned a thing or two about a thing or two instead?

7.) If I am ever a brewer, probably will never be but just in case, I call the name “Doctor Fermento”.

8.) I don’t know why there’s ice fishing anymore. Now you can just make it in your freezer. Is it just bragging rights for the biggest naturally-sourced cube?

9.) The business will be called Nasium. It’ll be a little office built to look like a corner of a gym but none of the overhead of showers & all that. Just some gym props & people pay a small fee to go there, take instagram pictures that look like they’re in a gym, then leave.

10.) The lamest possible name for a super-villain is “Gravymaster”.

11.) The ability to helicopter one’s penis is explained by the physics principle of wangular momentum.

12.) if they had been able to activate the delorian’s flux capacitor with horses in back to the future 3, it would’ve resulted in a stable time loop.

13.) When you hurt, you can’t think “what can I take from someone else so I don’t have to feel like this?” You have to think “it’s not just me, no one should ever have to feel like this.” Start there.

14.) I realize “top” tweets or Facebook messages is a method that more profitably pushes ads for the platform but it’s hard to imagine an end user so psychopathic they actually prefer it to “latest”.

15.) When you tell us we can time travel, yeah, we talk a big game about meeting Jesus, killing Hitler, all the cliches but when you tell us we only get one shot, people just wanna see their father again, their child again, the girl they didn’t ask out in junior high again. We’re hopelessly sentimental.

16.) One’s a mermaid, one’s from the Planet of the Apes. They’re cops. Coming this fall FISH AND CHIMPS.