fe5 in idea barrages

1.) The feminine of “Molemen” isn’t “Molewomen”, it is “Molelasses”.

2.) Joseph threatened to kick her out unless the father was God. “It’s Yahweh or the highway!”

3.) When the Super Bowl ends, I know that I can start counting down the days until the Mets disappoint me again.

4.) On a long enough timeline, eventually we will have to hear every patriotic song in the book before every major sporting event. Star-Spangled Banner, Our Country Tis Of Thee, God Bless America, Yankee Doodle Dandy, American Girl. Book two hours ahead.

5.) God as my witness, I thought SURVIVOR was canceled a long time ago. The things you learn.

6.) The population of metro Atlanta is around six million people, two or three of which even attend regular season Braves games.

7.) You think you feel terrible that Tom Brady is winning and then a commercial comes in and tells you that Young Sheldon is still A Thing. Low blow, CBS.

8.) I had forgotten how lame Maroon 5 is. Elevator music is actually more energetic and exciting. My retired mom was like “aren’t those guys a real old band? couldn’t they get anybody?” and left bored to do dishes. Maroon 5 makes Coldplay sound like Cannibal Corpse on a coke jag. Maroon 5 makes Michael Buble sound like G.G. Allin. Tonight, Adam Levine did the impossible, he made being covered in tats dorky. Tattoos are no longer cool now. Invest heavily in laser tattoo removal tomorrow, thanks Maroon 5. The 2nd most boring conventionally attained is “IKEA-level” and the most is “bead-store level” but when you’re lab-created weaponized boring, you can be like Adam Levine & attain “mega-beadstore” levels of boring. Like the bead-section IN a Joann’s levels of boring.

9.) The 2nd most boring conventionally attained is “IKEA-level” and the most is “bead-store level” but when you’re lab-created weaponized boring, you can be like Adam Levine & attain “mega-beadstore” levels of boring. Like the bead-section IN a Joann’s levels of boring.

10.) Irony was perfected when Will Smith was made a parent to a son whose social media musings are bizarre to the point where no one can understand them, let alone his parents.

11.) Nobody’s standing up for the oxidants. Everybody’s all antioxidants but no one has gotten the oxidants’ side of the story. Maybe they just have baby oxidizers to feed.

12.) Do you know the Miflin man, the Miflin man, the Miflin man, do you know the Miflin man, who lives on Dunder Lane?

13.) A twitterbot that has a list of every date’s holidays and, at 12:01AM, tweets “Die Hard’s my favorite (that day’s holiday) film.” “Die Hard’s my favorite Arbor Day film.” “Die Hard’s my favorite Flag Day film.” “Die Hard’s my favorite Dairy Workers’ Appreciation Day film.” Etc.

14.) It’s weird how elements of the American socialist left are sympathetic toward/willing to listen to Putin, just because Russia used to be communist, when Putin’s dictatorship is a physical manifestation of kleptocratic crony capitalism.

15.) Refer to your stomach as “the plot” and if ever asked why, stare them straight in the eye and say “THE PLOT THICKENS”.