de15 in idea barrages

1.) Genuinely stupid people aren’t the problem. Average people who think they’re so damn smart they can stay ignorant of everything, that they don’t have to learn because they’re just so goddamned gifted, those are the ones pulling us down history’s drain.

2.) Going to prison in Krakow should be called “pole vaulting”.

3.) Your parody of Bruce Springsteen’s worst song “Glory Days” will be called “Gory Days” and involve a line about a steel spike driven through an eye.

4.) In Soviet Garfield, Nermal mails Abu Dhabi to YOU.

5.) Nearly everyone who claims to love law and order really only loves order.

6.) A reboot of Dennis The Menace where the old man Mr. Wilson is the Beach Boys’ Brian Wilson & instead of being infuriated by Dennis’ antics, Wilson alternately either is so out of touch w/ reality he doesn’t see them or assumes them hallucinations.

7.) There at America’s end, he stuffed as much of its culture into his head, not its wasted bright potential or its cruel dark heart finally ascendant, nah, history would remember both well. His mind instead a monument to all the weird harmless ephemera the future would soon forget.

8.) A parody of “Jingle Bells” about Santa accidentally leaving powerful hallucinogens as gifts, involving the lines “drugsdrugsdrugs, drugsdrugsdrugs, Santa Claus left drugs, seemed a good time to get high, oh God a swarm of bugs” & “soon Miss Vanna White was seated by my side”.

9.) An ad for a colitis treatment called “XELJANZ (tofacitinib)” popped up in my twitter timeline and I feel like Superman goes around tricking villains into saying those words to either make them disappear or, at least, cure the colitis that was making them so grouchy.

10.) ZARDOZ except it’s called INFE and their horrifying future cosmology is inspired by Seinfeld instead of The Wizard Of Oz.

11.) Ten months passed since my pop died and still some nights it all hits me at once. Not just the discrete grief but the oceans of loneliness, directionlessness. They’re less often but they hit sometimes, taking out trash at 5 in the AM, outta nowhere, like now.

12.) I’ve lived in the city that cannot sleep (no matter how many drugs it takes to try) and I’ve lived in the city lost in dreams of itself (having eaten the lotus flowers and drifted off beneath the trees) and now I look for what the inbetween of those might be.