de7 in idea barrages

1.) Your Christmas version of “Hooked On A Feeling ” will be called “Hooves On The Ceiling”.

2.) I get that they’re leaning into the “Mary Poppins is magic” thing in the trailers by having her reflection act independently but does her reflection have to be lustily checking out her own butt?

3.) How many libertarians does it take to screw in a lightbulb? 50. 49 to claim if gov’t didn’t exist, lightbulbs wouldn’t break & 1 to use public infrastructure like roads or the mail to get a bulb, gov’t-built internet to learn how to change it & then take all the credit himself.

4.) Ghostbusters use a modified Hearse but vampire hunters use more of a Helsing van.

5.) I only respond to facebook riddles when presented by people in question-mark festooned bodysuits so unless you’re Matthew Lesko, count me out of your meme.

6.) Of all the idiotic conspiracy theories out there in the world, MK-Ultra sounds like most like a crappy macro-brewed light beer, though Bohemian Grove and Bilderberg would work as names for pretentious craft beers.

7.) The kind of night where the lonely kicks in, the facebook profile of a lovely woman says “INTERESTED IN: MEN” and you think to yourself “Hey I have a chance, I am a men!” and then QUICKLY realize your error, both in grammar and desirability.

8.) An album of upbeat pop covers of Radiohead called “Really Awesome Computer”.

9.) I have realized that youtube personality Safiya Nygaard is basically Lilith from CHEERS’ hipster daughter. And I’m not saying that’s a bad thing. That’s a thing that I am personally am kinda into.

10.) Satan’s sleigh got a ticket in Anchorage because he was double-parkaed.

11.) All Mariah Carey wants for Christmas is a ewe. She’s super rich, can’t she afford a lady sheep?

12.) In the sequel to Jingle Bells, “Tumblr Bells”, the woman comes out as polyamorous, the man comes out as a brony and the two attempt to find if it’s fun to ride in a one-horse open relationship.

13.) God invented the “Epic Youtube Prank Video” when He totally pah-owned that Job guy.

14.) If you live to 100 and go on the Today Show and say you got there by drinking gin, I will say “is it really living if you had to drink gin?”

15.) Of course theyre the Allman Brothers. If there were any sisters in there, they’d be the Allgender Siblings.

16.) “How many lips,” he asked Mr. Owl, “must I kiss to get to the centre of my own self-doubt?”

17.) I feel terrible for Ronald McDonald’s brother Donald. There’s only one clown position but he has the family skin condition too so he’s stuck doing telephone work from a cube where no one will judge his horrifying face.