no19 in idea barrages

1.) By cooking your roux to various levels of doneness, you can achieve the fifty shades of gravy.

2.) I will invent the musical sub-genre of “Skazoo” which is basically sarcastic ska but all the guitars are acoustic and the horn section is all kazoos. Possibly a little klezmer mixed in there.

3.) Is a faked pregnancy called “swollen valour”?

4.) Hollandaise is a sauce of eggs, butter & ground-up Dutchman, for Bearnaise sauce substitute ground-up bear, for Bechdel sauce substitute a conversation in a film between two women that isn’t about a man. For Deschanel sauce substitute three hairs of a manic pixie dream girl.

5.) Working on an emo version of Kenny Rogers’ “The Gambler”: YOU GOT TO KNOW WHEN TO FOLD UP/KNOW WHEN TO FOLD UP/KNOW WHEN TO FOLD AWAY/KNOW WHEN TO FOLD

6.) Technology evolves to the point where you don’t need a watch as anything other than optional jewelry because everyone has to carry a cellphone. Technology companies, not making enough money, try to convince you to get a computer watch that syncs with the phone.

7.) 99.99999% of all memes where people are “omg, so dumb!” are staged by people not actually that stupid, just looking to meme. (The statistical remainder is Trump.)

8.) “Astroglide” would’ve been a great name for a Transformer that turned into a space ship but, yeah, they had to go and ruin that.

9.) Explaining youtube to a time traveler: “it’s a place where any and all video footage in history exists for all to see” “that’s amazing, how do people use it?” “mostly, they pretend to be afraid of or angry at video games”