no15 in idea barrages

1.) And then there is of course Slanderman who terrorizes the internet by intentionally confusing libel and slander, driving word sticklers up a goddamn wall.

2.) Am I singing a version of Anthrax’s Black Lodge about a fat dog to Ollie? Hell yes I am.

3.) The misogyny oozing off all the posts grossed out by Hilary talking around running again. My dudes, even with Russia directly tampering with the election, she won by like four million votes. If you have a better option, I’m listening, but if all you got is “I hate old ladies!” step off.

4.) I still don’t get how Harry Potter’s imprisonment in an ass cabin was considered appropriate young adult material. You should be, like, 25 before being considered responsible enough to know about ass cabins.

5.) Why did The B-52s get the career that Dee-Lite should’ve had?

6.) “We didn’t start the fire” is a really disingenuous lyric, isn’t it? Yeah, you didn’t start the fire but you sure comfortably ignored it when it wasn’t burning the stuff you were privileged to, y’know? Until it got in the way of you drunk-driving to the Hamptons, you didn’t say crap, Bill.

7.) ANNIE HALL is the only movie that ever literally put me to sleep. We get it, Woody, you know the names of some philosophers, I’m sure that really impresses the college freshmen, you old creeper.

8.) Sometimes I just want to go to the clothing stores and move around the letters on the signs to make Menswear and Womenswear into Men swear and Women swear.

9.) Did you hear about the chicken nuggets who got a divorce? They were mechanically separated.

10.) Gone are the halcyon days when I could flat-out eat a canister of panko breadcrumbs as a midnight snack, all because I want to “live past 50” like some kind of sucker. Is it worth it?

11.) Your weed infused Eggs Benedict recipe will involve something called “happy hollandaise”.

12.) Your Bee Gees cover band will be called Barely Gibb.

13.) Were it not for insomnia, I wouldn’t have any somnia at all.

14.) The thing about this time of year is those few green things that haven’t wilted yet, hanging in and verdant, trying to convince themselves the snow and cold is just a passing fluke, that everything will be better soon. I am those plants.

15.) If Blossom star Joey Lawrence ever wrote an autobiography, it’d have to be called “Whoa! Is Me!” right?

16.) You may find yourself rich but you’ll never FIND yourself rich, dig?

17.) Actually, Khloe is just her nickname. Her full name is Cloaca Janice Kardashian.

18.) When Dick Clark died, Paul Rudd ate his heart and now no longer ages. Oh, the Paulrudd can succumb to disease or be slain in battle like any other mortal man, the Paulrudd is not immortal but he is now ageless.

19.) Turn your worries into dollars with the financial plan THEY don’t want you to know… The Nervous System!

20.) So, those of you who bought the line that WikiLeaks were freedom fighters and not just a weird cult leader hiding from sexual assault charges in an embassy closet, you still buying that horsecrap, just because it reinforced a warped narrative about Clinton?