oc31 in idea barrages

1.) One of the fundamental moves in Red Square Dancing is the do-si-dosvedanya. “Now take your comrade, do-si-dosvedanya and then pravdanade!”

2.) Sometimes I feel like a boxfan set in opposition to a spotlight, both throwing energy hard as we can against each other but on such different wavelengths, light can no more stop the wind than air can blot out luminescence. Just gotta co-exist, I guess.

3.) Oscar The Grouch’s bucket list is just all the places he lived before he found a rent-control trash can.

4.) Sometimes I think about the brief period in time when ads for cereal seemed to revolve around the idea of being so addictive it drove people to thievery and/or madness and everyone was just cool with it.

5.) Don’t ask me what I think of your Italian desserts, I can’t eat ‘em, I have the blood sugar, I cannot say, I cannoli imagine.

6.) The biggest problem about my parodies is that I write about 80s/90s pop culture to 60s/70s classic rock in a combination that very few people would actually get. NA NA NA NANANANA NANANANA HEY DUDE.

7.) If you want the kind of high that makes you think you’re thinking really deep thoughts, try smoking out of a gravitas bong.

8.) The weird way the same old non-stick pans sort of exploded into a whole lot of weird “extreme” named pans all at once pretending it is new technology is weird. RED COPPER, BLUE DIAMOND, GRANITE ROCK. All just regular dang ol’ pans.

9.) Bastin’ away again on twelve-pound Butterball… makin’ gravy that’s loaded with salt… some people say that it’s the Pilgrims to blame… but I know… that it’s Lincoln’s fault…

10.) A movie about an internet cat-fishing romance that is exposed at the end of a big party called TINDERELLA.

11.) Eatin’ your whey and your curds today takes everything you’ve got… takin’ a break from all these spiders sure would help a lot… maybe a tuffet filled with hay…

12.) So, people who voted for Jill Stein, are you pleased with Trump stacking the Supreme Court so he can overrule Constitutional amendments with executive orders? Do you still feel all edgy and revolutionary or do you finally know regret?

13.) All I know is that when they start trying to push needless “masculine wipes” on us to open up a new guilt-based revenue stream, I demand they call the brand “Summer’s Adam”.

14.) When lifestyle youtubers make a video “throwing an epic party for their friends!” and it’s all lifestyle youtubes promoting their brands and your vicarious experience of their “epic friendships”, it’s weird how obviously fake it is and how the comment sections buy it.

15.) The “distraction” IS the agenda. This is how they trick you. Military action against the “caravan” isn’t election tactics, it’s normalizing military action against Hispanics at a time you won’t take it seriously because you think it’s a tactic. They let you out-think yourself. The “distraction” IS the agenda. This is how they trick you. They let you believe they were putting up a brutal racist idiot as a distraction because you “knew” that couldn’t win in America so you let your guard down, voted 3rd party & they won. They let you out-think yourself.

16.) My current song I sing to Ollie: “someone took a pork roll/covered it in cottonballs/and called it/Ollie the dog/someone took a pork roll/covered it in cottonballs/and called it/OLLIE THE DOG!”

17.) You’re only eating eggs because you were just too impatient to wait for chicken.

18.) The phrase “that person just oozes sex” gets grosser and grosser the more literally you consider it.

19.) It is important to process Halloween as a burlesque of death, a fool’s day against the end. Our only small power at all in the face of oblivion is laughter. We need to leave ourselves room to laugh at it, it’s all that we have.

20.) The veil between the now and that then is thinnest today, not because of some arbitrary calendaric quirk but rather because we believe it to be so. Magic, if there is any, if it is good or if it’s bad, is not in dates numbers or blood but rather in belief.