oc14 in idea barrages

1.) If the queen owned a Nintendo, would that make it the royal Wii?

2.) If you actually had, like in the Tom Waits song, a chocolate Jesus, wouldn’t that technically be heresy’s chocolate?

3.) Refer to the poultry industry as “Big Bird” in your rambling conspiracy theories but always drop just enough hints to suggest that you’re actually talking about Sesame Street.

4.) Make friends with a contortionist, they’ll bend over backward for you.

5.) If you get in a fight over crude early VR technology, are you having an Oculus rift?

6.) Reasons I love this cat: wherever we put the half-scale Chairie from Pee-Wee’s Playhouse replica in this house, he finds it and that’s where he sleeps.

7.) The thing about being unhealthfully hyper-self-critical is that you can totally hipster out when someone is tearing you down, like, “I thought everything I did was terrible before it was cool to say so, man.”

8.) Sometimes all you see are the faces of the people you met at the wrong time, of the loved ones passed away, of the opportunities squandered. Then you remember, I was good enough for all that, maybe I can get lucky one more time.

9.) The scat-singing in MINNIE THE MOOCHER reimagined as an excitable child looking for her friend Heidi in a crowded airport. “Heidi! Heidi! Heidi! Hi! Heidi! Heidi! Heidi! Oh!”

10.) If I ran a soup restaurant into the ground, when we finally closed I would put up a sign that said “TEMPORARILY OUT OF STOCK”.

11.) Your rap about The Star Wars Holiday Special will involve the line “The Lumpy Dance is your chance to be a lump”.

12.) The best thing is heartbreaking genius, the second best thing is interestingly earnest failure. The second worst thing is perfectly polished mediocrity, the worst thing is doing something bad on purpose because it’s cheap and easy.

13.) There is no greater waste of effort than the struggle to make things look effortless. Myself I see far more beauty in the evidence of that labor, that struggle. If it all rose whole up from the sea like Venus, what’s interesting about that?

14.) I don’t kink shame, if you’re into autoerotic asphyxiation, I say hey… knock yourself out!

15.) an evergreen meme can be a gif that keeps on giving!

16.) If you cheat your way up a mountain, is that a sneak peak?

17.) All mild optimism for the Kurt Russell Santa Claus movie dissipates when the trailer gets to the 2003-level CGI cutesy-wootsey elves and it instantly looks awful.

18.) LESS GLUM MORE GLAM!

19.) A movie about a group of hero cannibals who kill and eat corrupt members of the upper class called THE AUTHORITARIANS?