se13 in idea barrages

1.) Critiquing someone else’s critique is really just deconstructive criticism.

2.) Watching reruns on the Bzzr channel, I’ve realized “Celebrity Name Game” was actually an experiment to create the dullest, safest, blandest game show ever. It is the unadorned Cream of Wheat of game shows.

3.) I have been made aware that there are some people whose pee doesn’t always smell like coffee. I pity you and I hope you seek help. The help that is more coffee.

4.) There would be worse rap names than “Bling Crosby” I s’pose.

5.) When you need enlightenment out of the blue, late at night, your best shot is just making a Bodhi call.

6.) The difficulty is having a delusionally high sense of potential self worth but, also, seeing yourself as never having reached that bar, not even once. I don’t know if everyone feels this way but it’s how I’ve felt as long as I can remember.

7.) In Japan, the sequel to the Super Mario Brothers movie was called DOKI DOKI HARDER.

8.) There’s tap dancing and there’s lap dancing and then there’s tilapia dancing, a white mild dancing, sort like of a slow waltz.

9.) Every book, every page, every screen in every language ever, we could fill ‘em all with the word “almost” and still have almosts to spare. People think we are a species of the word “I” but no, we’re an animal of “almost”. It’s almost, all the way down.

10.) Any time I see a city council meeting on a public access channel, I want to tell the citizens “when you just read off a script, the people in the building don’t listen, the more extemporaneous you can seem, the more effective your words are”.

11.) Cynthia Nixon’s bagel order is no more or less gross than any other thing involving raisins. Other than that, it’s fine. Back when I could eat carbs, my go-to was strawberry cream cheese on a garlic bagel. Raisins are just gross in anything.

12.) REAL TALK: the people who have to fill four hours talking about zirconium jewelry on the lesser home shopping channels are low-key some of the best improv actors in the world.

13.) Your complex geometric tattoo representing your love of hair rock is a Nelson mandala.

14.) It’s Tim Allen and Kevin James in the new “hit” comedy NO ONE UNDER SEVENTY CARES.

15.) Randian Vanilla Ice is all “if you got a problem, yo, that’s your fault for not being born rich, bow to me, serf, before I allow my DJ to revolve it.”

16.) The only thing more disgusting than how much British culture sucks up to Old Money jackoffs is how much American culture sucks up to New Money jackoffs.