au23 in idea barrages

1.) Puttin’ out to the universe that I’m lookin’ for some concrete direction. I don’t know if there’s anything organized enough beyond the veil to answer back with an arrow but I may as well make the effort.

2.) Your wizarding tournament on pay-per-scry will be called SummonerSlam.

3.) The worst name ever for a saucy cartoon would be “The Secret of NIMHPHO”.

4.) The best way to hit on someone using a Mr. Microphone is to ask “So, is there a… Mrs. Microphone?”

5.) A 1950s educational film about gallstones called “Duct & Cover”.

6.) I always assumed that Willy Wonka’s Chocolate Factory was in England, despite Willy having an American accent, because that place sure as hell wasn’t OSHA-compliant.

7.) Common phrases awkward to use around Jesus: “What, were you born in a barn?” “Nailed it!” “Who died and made you king?”

8.) When searching for a name for your new trendy exercise blahblahblah that you’re looking to sell to middle-class women in their forties, just pick a fake word from a Red Hot Chili Peppers song. I’m sure that’s how they came up with “Zumba”.

9.) Even as a Mets fan, I will say, the Cubs deserve better than a bigoted clubhouse cancer like Daniel Murphy.

10.) There’s a sponge inside our hearts and… sometimes we gotta wring it out.

11.) Step 1: buy a pumpkin patch. Step 2: paint all the pumpkins blue. Step 3: put up a sign “Everyone Needs A Blumpkin For Halloween!” Step 4: ??? Step 5: PROFIT!

12.) The plural for a pack of millenials is a “tumblr”. A tumblr of millenials.

13.) Good legislators know when to stand their ground and when to strategically compromise to get some good done now and set up to get more done down the road with minimal backlash. If you can only see that as “being a sell-out corporate shill centrist, man!” that’s on you, not them.

14.) In Soviet Money For Nothing, chicks pay YOU.

15.) A year after your bar mitzvah, do you get a manniversary?

16.) “How are you going to drink all that beer so fast?” she asked. “Well, funnel-y enough, I have a plan…“

17.) My newest name for the fake president with his little micro-phallus erection for polluting the world with coal is “The Bituminous P.I.G.”

18.) I’m not saying I’d ENJOY a parody of the entire musical Evita about DragonballZ called “Vegeta”, I’m just saying, if you paid me enough, I’d write it.