au17 in idea barrages

1.) Kurt Cobain’s death is a Schrodinger’s box, really, he was a famous person you almost assuredly didn’t know. The truth of whether he killed himself or was killed is irrelevant to your life, whichever theory justifies your worldviews is the one you’ll believe.

2.) I am no longer merely older than the magic age when celebrities die to lock in their iconic beauty forever (middle twenties?) I am now almost too old to even be socially accepted in dating someone that age. This interests the hell out of me.

3.) Only techno-douche business idiots could use the most boring word ever to call them “drones”. I would’ve called them “invasocopters”.

4.) I have seen the future of entertainment and it is public access television from thirty years ago.

5.) Whether you are CEO or janitor, if you work for Weight Watchers, you’re all in middle management.

6.) You have nothing to fear of things that don’t exist, of course, but the problem is that people who believe in things that don’t exist are the scariest thing in the world short of death itself.

7.) Twitter! Home of the Bad Faith Argument since 2006!

8.) The Sex Pistols were managed by a fashion boutique owner, y’know? I don’t make fun of boy bands (even though I’ve never enjoyed listening to that kind of pop) because, hell, at least boy bands are pre-fabbed by, like, actual music producers. They have that on punk’s origin.

9.) Need a giant hulking service animal? There’s an ape for that!

10.) An Eminem parody about the Ninja Turtles could be called “Ooze Yourself” and if you don’t call back to Vanilla Ice’s “Ninja Rap” in there somehow, you’re a damned fool.