au13 in idea barrages

1.) A SCENE FROM THE NERD DINER: “I don’t get it.” “What don’t you get?” “How is this dish The Aquaman Special? There’s no fish in it or, like, even kelp, it’s just curry.” “Yes,” she agreed, “it is just curry. ARTHUR CURRY.”

2.) Today I found out Vanna White has a twitter and I imagine her cell phone sized the broad side of a garage and she has to slowly meticulously press her hands into the letters all over it to type. Like, she has to REALLY have something worth saying that day to go through that.

3.) I want to hack Alex Trebek’s Alexa or whatever so that it only answers him in the form of a question.

4.) Weirdly, Rochester’s signature dish “garbage plate” is only metaphorically a garbage plate while a literal garbage plate is not called “garbage plate”, it is southern Ohio’s signature dish called “Cincinnati Chili”.

5.) Most human beings are really only bad when they’re scared. Problem is that most human beings are really only easily exploited for profit by someone else when they’re scared. This co-morbidity of fear, if we could disentangle that, we might actually do a few good things for once.

6.) Hearing the amazing rebranding that the Gross Vinegary Old Cucumber Industry got from the ad-wizards who came up with “Pickles”, the Leathery Dried-Out Rotting Grapes Industry hired the same group and was reborn as “Raisins”.

7.) If you say you’re “experimenting with” something, I am just warning you, I will pepper you with the comedy implications of what the control group would look like.

8.) The combination of an unironic love of holiday-themed sugared breakfast cereals and a lack of a desire to go on insulin in my thirties is an unpleasant combination, man. A first-world-problems kind of unpleasant but, brother, unpleasant nonetheless.

9.) All this talk about “Big Dick Energy” on social media. No one mentions that “A Little Above-Average But Nothing Ridiculous From A Porno Or Anything Dick Energy” tries harder and gets more done but I guess that’s too long to say or write. Which is ironic, if you think about it.

10.) If you are a far-lefty nodding when a conservative demagogue attacks Pelosi, remember that you are being played. They realized they can steal elections by riling up the far-left to do their bidding with Bernie and Stein and now they are going HAM on this strategy.

11.) Why would anyone accept a bad-faith offer for a “debate” from a troll who is proposing an event that’d just be a rigged circus & a publicity stunt? Sharpio’s just a goddamn 4chan troll, not even a particularly clever one, given a sheen of “respectability” by the investment class.

12.) That “Your NPR Name” meme going around is wrong. Your NPR name is not a pattern and a singer’s name, you take the generic name of a medicine you’re on, split it into two words and that’s your name. In my example: Atorva Statin for On the Media

13.) I just figured out the ultimate “You Wanna Feel Old?” for my generation: there are kids in college right now born after The Simpsons stopped being awesome.

14.) I write and I write and I write and I write in the hope that some day I finally won’t be wrong.

15.) You know what? They’re wrong. Let ‘em see you sweat. ALWAYS let ‘em see you sweat. If you pretend you’re not breaking a sweat, they’ll think you can do a LOT more. If you’re giving it your all, there’s no sin in letting ‘em know this is your best. Your best is probably amazing.