au4 in idea barrages

1.) Garfield was named as such because his mother gave birth to him in a field of gar.

2.) Vegan rappers don’t have beef, they have tofeuds.

3.) I think it’s nice that we have a word for complete nut-bars that’s more polite but still gets the point across. “Sovereign Citizen” is such a polite term that sometimes they don’t even think it’s an insult.

4.) It’d be a lot cooler if we called turkey stuffing “BREAD CRAMS” is all I’m saying.

5.) Your feet planted firmly on the second level of the mall, having made sure your shoelaces were not eaten by the moving staircase, you exhale dramatically and exclaim to no one in particular, with zeal, “WELL THAT ESCALATED QUICKLY!”

6.) The best thing about being me on social media is that no one tells me to quit it with the obscure puns and obtuse cultural references because they well know that when I’m not doing those I’m talking about baseball or politics which is far far far worse.

7.) Potted meat is named as such because you gotta be high to enjoy eating it.

8.) Stale pieces of bread lying next to each other, pondering if there is an after-loaf.

9.) Home is where the heart is, we all live in a giant bleeding rib-cage, y’know, metaphorically.

10.) The NFL pre-season is both the least interesting pre-season of any sport and the most profitable pre-season of any sport and that says a lot of things about the state of the NFL.