ju16 in idea barrages

1.) Go to a Westboro Baptist Church rally, try to blend in at first and then bring up a sign that says “IT’S FLORENCE AND THE MACHINE, NOT LAWRENCE AND THE MACHINE”. Sometimes it’s just as fun to confuse the bigots as it is to attack them directly.

2.) Trump, bar-coding and interning these thousands of children for no sane reason into concentration camps, this will be the new radicalization that will create the next generation of terrorists against this country and, Christ help me, we will deserve it for our sins.

3.) After a screening of Zorro, Garfield’s parents were mugged and murdered by the concept of Monday, setting the entire mess into motion.

4.) I guess it’s good Paula Poundstone was never on the FLINTSTONES because they’d really have to stretch to change her name to make it fit even more into the Bedrock Cinematic Universe than the original.

5.) The unholy union of Roy Orbison and Boy George would be called Boy Roarbison.

6.) We are two election cycles away from voting a fake facebook profile with duck lips and an oddly misspelled first name into Congress. Upon swearing in, it will only introduce bills proclaiming 33% off Ray-Ban sunglasses.

7.) Stephen Hawking’s final unfinished theorem involved trying to resolve Olive Garden’s unlimited soup and salad with the law of the conservation of mass. After three pages of promising but incomplete mathematical proofs it cuts off abruptly with one final word: “R I S O T T O?”

8.) Suddenly, all clocks in the world are correct at once. Even the ones purposely set five minutes fast. Even ones not hooked up to power sources. Even ones that have been broken for years. All correct, all at once.