ju9 in idea barrages

1.) All the servers have to wear short-shorts as they bring you your omelet at the newly renamed International House of Butts. It’s not gonna end well.

2.) HOT TAKE: the sudden proliferation of documentaries and podcasts about cults are actually glamorizing the hell out of cults and we’re gonna see an uptick in cults.

3.) Why didn’t Deep Space Nine ever involve a mission to a barbarian planet? We could’ve had Chief Miles “Conan” O’Brien!

4.) The phrase “living your best life” always gets more complicated when spoken by a Buddhist.

5.) I critique the dog a lot but at least he understands when domesticated mammals are supposed to sleep. The cat believes 3:45AM is a smashing time to claw the corner of my bed to wake me up because it’s breakfast then being let in and out of the house to pee 20 times until 9AM.

6.) Nothing like a parent, loudly, obnoxiously, in public, cussing out their kid for not learning their manners. Like, GEE I WONDER WHERE HE GOT THAT FROM.

7.) If Jimmy Buffet covered “The Pina Colada Song”, I think a whole bunch of people who’d be into that would explode with delight and we’d be rid of them so, like, let us do that.

8.) Also, a parody of Margaritaville about Tran-syl-van-i-a just so we can get to the line “Some people say that there’s a wolfman to blame…“

9.) A parody of Teenage Wasteland about TEEN WOLF, TEENAGE WOLFMAN?

10.) There’s no point in trying to say if cats or dogs are better, either way its a specist argument.

11.) A version of “Hey Ya” in the style of Enya called “En Ya”.

12.) It is difficult to think of people more fame-adjacent-yet-completely-anonymous than “the guys other than Bono and The Edge in U2”. Just about any middle-aged white guy with a passable Irish accent has a good chance of being able to sell that they are in U2.

13.) When Ed Sheeran’s musical fame ends, I hope he opens up a barber shop called ED’S SHEARIN’.

14.) Maybe the people who were pedantic about whether the doctor or the creature should be called Frankenstein were his REAL monsters.

15.) Your roleplaying game about being in, like, The Lions Club or Rotary or something will be called LUNCHEONS & BRAGGIN’. It’ll be crushingly boring.

16.) “Screw everyone else, I’ve got mine” should not be considered a cogent political ideology, let alone a moral or ethical construction. It’s the tantrum of a spoiled child who thinks the best way to get away with taking other people’s stuff is to keep doing it until it seem normal.

17.) I enjoy how many things “fine” can mean outside of context. Like, “oh, you’re fine” or like “oh, you’re fiiiiiiiiiiiiine”. It’s great. This language is so weird.

18.) It’s awful how great starts by Mets pitchers just feel like a countdown until the relievers screw it up.