ju3 in idea barrages

1.) Your X-Files musical will be called I WANT TO BE LIVE. It will be… terrible.

2.) When you split the bill for your date, that’s “going Dutch”. When you pay for your date by bartering freshly churned butter for your supper, that’s “going Pennsylvania Dutch”.

3.) I honestly don’t know if I wrote a parody called “Muffin Top, Tennessee” or not. The bad ideas all blur together, over the years, after you’ve devoted a life to bad ideas.

4.) Being a Mets fan will help you embrace the hopelessness of existence and the truth that even when you feel like you’re going to succeed for once, don’t worry, it’s gonna go wrong somehow so don’t put any energy into thinking on success. It’s great.

5.) A few more of these puns about Super Mario Brothers 2 and I’ll be driven into a jokey jokey panic.

6.) You will crowdfund a PBS science series narrated by Christopher Walken just so that in the third season you can drop an episode entitled “Walken On Sunshine”. You will be doing the Lord’s work.

7.) Maybe I’ll keep the accidental beard for a while after all, see if there’s any ladyfolk who end up digging it, I dunno, gotta change up the strategy at some point.

8.) Bob Ross, creating a painting of Groot, saying “The happiest of trees.”