june opener in idea barrages

1.) ALF was always going on about with the “I Kill Me!” but the Tanners never got the poor guy counseling. That was a cry for help.

2.) On my clipboard, I found a drawing of a broccoli floret with a little explosion circle around the stem and the words “ATOMIC BROCCOLI”.

3.) OEDIPUS should come with a “Parental Indiscretion Warning”.

4.) All the newswomen on Fox are the same brittle kind of thin & same sort of unnatural shade of malnutrition platinum blonde. I don’t think it’s just an aesthetic choice, I honestly think it’s about the audience’s fantasy woman lacking the strength or substance for physical agency.

5.) The guy from Sublime sure had a loose and forgiving definition of a “mf-ing riot”. Really? Seven slow twangy notes? That’s a riot? That is one weak-sauce riot, Bill Sublime.

6.) The key error in stories about something going terribly wrong on a trip to Wal-Mart is “going to Wal-Mart”.

7.) You know there’s some executive out there musing about the idea of the COACH Cinematic Universe. Maybe they cross over with NECESSARY ROUGHNESS? Maybe they cross over with RUDY? Maybe some FRIDAY NIGHT LIGHTS kids get recruited by Coach.

8.) Oh yeah, drugs can totally make you commit hate speech. How many times have I seen someone high on the marijuana spewing hate speech at “whoever ate all the Cool Ranch Doritos”. The people who ate all the Doritos are people too.