ma25 in idea barrages

1.) It was the most brutal drum majorette camp in the country, leading some to call those two weeks in July “the Baton Death March”.

2.) Trump is the Cousin Oliver of the American sitcom for goddamn sure. We got boring in our slow but steady progress so they threw this idiot child at us to shake things up and… yeah, people are watching again but it’s ruining the thing for good.

3.) I have killed so many ants this week that I think there are currently ants musing that if they only had a time machine, they’d suffocate me in the crib. I hate Ant Season.

4.) The only thing that got Trump the White House was the arrogant gullibility of the far-left to not oppose him in the election, thinking a lifelong public servant somehow worse. The only thing that’s keeping him there is the cowardice and access-obsession of the American press.

5.) Your musical about Dennis The Menace will be called “Quaint Misbehavin”. Oh God, it’ll be bad.

6.) I feel bad for every person who named their kid Logan after Wolverine who now probably has jerks thinking they named their kid after Logan Paul. It’s like being named after your beloved Grandpa Adolf in the ‘30s.

7.) The men of ARRESTED DEVELOPMENT defend Tambor not outta ignorance but hoping to preempt attacks on themselves. Entertainers defend Roseanne’s hatemongering not because they agree rather in hope of hopping that money train too. Worse than ignorance or malice is bald self-interest.

8.) We’re at this point as we’ve been fooled on what voting means. The right now believes voting is the rush of being an edgelord, the left now believes it the rush of feeling idealistic. No. It’s about doing as much good, preventing as much harm, as you can with the choices at hand.

9.) When they take the outer nutritive coat off of brown rice to make white rice, is that a rice peel-off?

10.) Using 3-D printers to send bread through the internet will result in the rising popularity of challahgrams.

11.) I like to think that in the last Family Matters someone finally answered the question for Urkel, once and for all, if he did or did not, in fact, do that.

12.) “Lazy” is just a word used by folks consumed by greed, to label the people they target in their justification for taking more than they need.

13.) MY BEST IDEAS ARE TOO OBSCURE TO FOLLOW THROUGH ON, CASE FILE #958: A parody of Weezer’s “Holiday” about the Andy Kaufman film “Heartbeeps”.