apr21 in idea barrages

1.) And, yes, all if you all knew King Crimson like you should, I would write a parody of “Happy Family” about how terrible Adam Sandler’s Happy Madison productions have become. Of course I would.

2.) A sitcom about a magical politically-radical nanny who descends into the lives of an upper-crust family to teach the children about class struggle, kind of a left-wing Mary Poppins thing, called “My Favourite Marxist”.

3.) Aerosmith are, like, the kings of “I didn’t want to hear THEIR version of it” on the radio. Beatles COME TOGETHER, Run DMC WALK THIS WAY, Eminem LOSE YOURSELF… hell, Guns N Roses MAMA KIN, even. Whether they originated it or covered it, wanna hear the other one.

4.) That smug feeling of voting for ideologues who could never win, allowing actual Nazis to occupy our White House instead of flawed people who’d be doing at least incremental good instead of the Nazis tearing down our country for parts, it’s astonishing some prefer that feeling.

5.) A soda cap from the 1990s is really just a Surge protector.

6.) You may not be ready for the work of Herzog, perhaps you should first go for your Werner’s Permit so that you can watch them with a Licensed Filmgoer.

7.) The Trump junta is kind of like the show ENTOURAGE, annoying smarmy wish-fulfillment for whiteguydouches from the start, a few people I heard of but wished I hadn’t and a bunch of guys I happily hadn’t heard of that still management to get even worse with every new change.

8.) Your rap parody about The Star Wars Holiday Special will be called “The Lumpy Dance”. It will be… unconscionably terrible.

9.) Whenever someone refers to youtube as “The Community” I feel like they’re either selling something ridiculous or they’ve bought into something ridiculous. The veneration some people use with that term, it’s kinda cult-like.

10.) Your horror movie about a series of grizzly murders at a ren faire outside of Austin will be called THE TEXAS CHAINMAIL MASSACRE. It will be… unbelievably terrible.

11.) Giuliani and Trump, Trump and Giuliani. 15,000 divorces between the two of them but they just can’t quit each other.

12.) When you put butter on bread in an Indian restaurant, does that make it a naan-dairy creamer?

13.) Remember when hashtags used to just be like #VideoGamesMinusOneLetter you’d be all “Legend of Zelda: The Ocarina of Tim!” & we’d laugh oh how we’d laugh & now it’s like #RemoveTheFakePresidentBeforeHeKillsUsAll as a futile scream into the existential void? Good times. Good tims.

14.) At every unmoderated Q&A/autograph thing there’s always The One Guy who thinks it clever to pitch a script or whatnot & it’s not stupidity or even rudeness. It’s the desperation of our broken celebrity culture. We think our only hope to ever cast light is to be a reflecting moon.

15.) To paraphrase the only interesting line in the entirety of “Men In Black 2”, you wake up to a fresh half-inch dusting on the ground in late April and you have to ask yourself: are we sad because it’s snowing or is it snowing because we’re sad?

16.) There will be a time when you lose something so precious to you, it will change you for life. You will have to ask yourself: do I think I should never have to feel this way or do I think that no one should ever have feel this way? The second path is empathy. Choose. That. Path.

17.) If you’re proud to have the upper hand in a situation for reasons you had no control over like an inheritance or racism/sexism/homophobia/whatever putting you into a privileged position of “default”, there is something desperately wrong with you. Desperately wrong with America.

18.) No matter how inviolate you consider the 1st Amendment, I think we can all agree that an exception should have been made allowing the government to step in and prevent a band from calling itself “Hoobastank”.

19.) I sure hope that Nytol’s catchphrase in Britain is “Nytol will help you get your zeds!” because that’d just be funny.

20.) Memwario: A Life Spent In The Hero’s Shadow.

21.) Was there really an ad on @WFAN660 for Scientology while I was driving to Utica for some friends’ show? Really? How irresponsible and desperate and craven is that?

22.) Groot Suit Riot, RIOT! Crowd of people dressed like a tree! Groot Suit Riot, RIOT! Is that an ent or an E.N.T.?