apr19 in idea barrages

1.) Here’s another parody I can’t write because almost no one would both know the song and get the cultural reference: a parody of King Crimson’s “Cat Food” about the video game Shaq-Fu.

2.) HOT TAKE: R.E.M. is one of the few very popular rock acts where their singles ARE legitimately usually their best songs.

3.) The optimal name for a goth band is “Hewlett-Packard Lovecraft”.

4.) Neil Young warbling “He-Man, take a look at your life, they know you’re Prince Adam.”

5.) Cosplay of the Lady Gremlin from GREMLINS 2 has authored some of the weirdest boners in history.

6.) If you add four shots of vodka to a Shirley Temple, it becomes a Lindsay Lohan.

7.) Your slasher film about a serial-killer who slaughters high school shop teachers will be called THE TEXAS BANDSAW MASSACRE.

8.) There should be a really big comic book or sci-fi or genre type convention held in Geneva NY, so that you can call it “The Geneva Convention”.

9.) Did you know “open-carry Uzis into 7/11” gun-nuts call hunters who just want hunting rifles & are sane enough to know assault weapons don’t belong on the open market “Fudds” derisively, hating them as traitors to “the cause”? My brother taught me that. Our country’s so screwed.

10.) There’s something unsettling, untrustworthy about someone eating just one of the two Pop Tarts from their cozy foil sleeve. It’s hard to explain. Who DOES that, though? Look, you’ve eaten a Pop Tart, you’re pot-committed to being unhealthy. Finish the job, eat the second one.

11.) The fact that there is almost no way to differentiate a cursive “Q” from a number “2” is one of the many many many reasons why it is wonderful cursive is dying for everything other than signatures.

12.) I am wonderful but I am an acquired taste, like absinthe or spinning on a chair until one gets dizzy.

13.) “My name is Bingo Montoya. You filled five spaces. Prepare for your prize.”

14.) The best name for a celebrity’s kid to REALLY underline how much being famous screws you up would be “Earth President”.

15.) One way to confuse an opponent in a sword duel is to randomly yell “TASTE COLD STEEL MAGNOLIAS!”

16.) I don’t care how nostalgic you are for old television, very few people will consider you singing “Welcome to Urethra’s Castle, WELCOME TO URETHRA’S CASTLE!” to be sexy pillow-talk.

17.) You don’t just “design neck-ware”. You are a scarving artist!

18.) Sometimes the only way to get my mom’s dog to… make leavings… is to walk him up to one of his turds or another dog’s turds and let him sniff at it. Goes soon after that. It’s like he has to be reminded of the very concept of pooping.