apr16 in idea barrages

1.) If you didn’t name your Catholic-metal band “weapons of Mass destruction”, you don’t deserve to be the person who invented the genre of Catholic-metal.

2.) At this point, if you wanted to sell me on the idea that nature itself is so disgusted with Trump that spring has been cancelled, I would at least listen.

3.) In a way, Art Bell’s radio show was an innocent beginning to the hell that is the post-truth political landscape. Letting cranks be cranks, allowing them air time, pretending to believe them just for “the lulz”. Problem was people started forgetting it was all a big joke.

4.) The parallels between Trump and Pauly Shore are uncanny: the lack of discernible talent, only having anything because a parent gave it all to them, mockery of the military, of environmentalism, of the concept of son-in-laws, existing only to fill time on a rudderless network.

5.) Your stage name as a Battlestar Galactica cosplayer will be “Edward James Almost”.

6.) Only Donkey Kong’s closest friends can call him “Don” without getting a barrel thrown at them.

7.) A shirt that says “Sorry” to be worn over a bra or undershirt that says “Not Sorry”.

8.) I wish I could explain the last few months to the cat and the dog, they just know people have been coming and going, some gone for good and that’s all and they’re sad. I hope they know they didn’t do anything wrong.

9.) Would an everything-pizza really be a… pan-pizza?

10.) Shadoobie, Shatner. Shadoobie, Shatner, Shatner.

11.) Your blooper reel of sports’ most ironic injuries will be called THE HIGHLIGHT ZONE.

12.) “That’s Greek yogurt, Ted!” “No whey, Bill!” “No way!”