dxxii in idea barrages

1.) I am not making fun of any culture, I am just saying that it is awesome that someone has a candy named “barfi” and that you can get it as “plain barfi”. I am not making fun of India but damn that’s a funny word.

2.) Trading in your beer cans for nickels is a real redemption story.

3.) Downsides of me: a little chubby, neurotic, not much money, can’t parallel park. Upsides of me: funny, loyal, can reach high shelves, great hair, can drive medium-haul very well, giving, passionate, double-jointed thumb on left hand, oh my God great hair.

4.) I just found out that I have never known the difference between Rusted Root and The Violent Femmes. I seems I have them completely jumbled up. It’s like finding out you were culturally colourblind in the 90s.

5.) If we rolled out orange hats with white lettering that said “Make America Garfield Again” would they understand we were making fun of them? Would they think we agree with them except also really love Garfield?

6.) After the ice caps melt completely. the hipsters are going to invent dive bars that are literally bars you have to dive to get into and they’re going to love them ironically but hate actually suiting up to dive.

7.) Happy holidays. Every single one of ‘em. Enjoy ‘em, life is hard, holidays are a break. Anyone who’d tell you not to enjoy your holiday just so that their holiday can hold culturally default status is a deeply unhappy person who knows they’re being a dick. Ignore them completely.

8.) My comic book about a bunch of NPR wonks getting superpowers from cosmic rays would definitely involve a hero with stretching powers like Ira Inflato. Possibly an invisible Ira Glass just called Glass. Terry Gross would have super-vomiting powers as Very Gross, that’s for sure.