dxx in idea barrages

1.) In the “Press Your Luck” game show that is flipping through L.A.s weird digital signal channels, ANDROMEDA WITH KEVIN SORBO is the Whammy on The Comet Network.

2.) I bet if Guy Fieri took a shot at ruining the filet mignon, he[d dress up like Donald Trump in the ad and call it THE CONGRESSION FILLETBUSTER. The waiter brings a pig trough of Donkey Sauce steaming hot to your table. Chow down, America. Feed on the corpse of your dreams.

3.) Either southern California has no idea that palm trees covered in Christmas lights are incredibly phallic or southern California is REALLY REALLY REALLY into the idea of palm trees covered in Christmas lights looking phallic.

4.) Today, I made a joke about Juggalos that are also bronies. Research discovered that there are actually juggalo bronies. They call themselves “juggabronies”. This has been The Most 2017 Fact Ever.

5.) The most badass tattoo of all time, however would be to have the lids of jelly jars tattooed over your nipples with the warning “Caution: If Bubble Pops Up, Seal Is Broken” featured prominently.

6.) Shhhh. I know all the Christmas music is pretty bad but as long as there’s Christmas music, there isn’t pumpkin spice. Count your blessings. Understand the alternative.

7.) Comedy club/gym: Everybody gettin’ a tight six pack then doing up their tight seven minute act. Maybe there’s a lot of sparring routines in the gym and they call it PUNCHLINES.

8.) Your punk band will be called OPIUM DEN MOTHER.