nov capstone in idea barrages

1.) Fundamentalist Christians, fundamentalist Muslims, fundamentalist Jews, fundamentalist Hindus, Buddhists, Sikhs, whatever, those aren’t their actual faiths. They all worship at the twin altars of repression and violence. That’s the religion to root out.

2.) Headlines from the past: “TULIP BULBS OVER 10,000 GUILDERS! GET IN ON TULIP BULBS NOW! THEY WILL ALWAYS INCREASE IN VALUE!”

3.) A bottle of Axe Body Spray that shoots tiny axes at you.

4.) I’m glad Matt Lauer has been fired for being a sexual harasser but I just want to say that, on a less important level, he should have also been fired for being boring and bad at his job.

5.) On Bizarro World, Knotts Berry Farm is simply known as Berry Farm.

6.) REAL TALK: when Garrison Keillor tried to explain away Al Franken’s actions as “low comedy”, we should’ve known the other shoe was going to drop, these people tend to explain away others to pre-emptively set up their own defense.

7.) The fake president is retweeting British neo-Nazis, kids. You could’ve stood with Hilary, warts and all, but you had to throw a hissy fit and here we are, but for her e-mails.

8.) Tommy Wiseau reacting to the tide coming in: “oh, high mark”.

9.) Tried to fall asleep, ended up writing instead. Story of my life. Perhaps that’s how I’ll postpone death in old age too, skin and bones withered away, clinging to a keyboard or a pen, too stubborn to stop.