n25 in idea barrages

1.) In this nightmare, I got hired for a job but no one would tell me what the job was, what to do, when or where to do it so I got fired. I think it was a metaphor for being alive.

2.) An elite team of science warriors devoted to preventing Black Friday Sale deaths called The Doorbusters.

3.) Trump’s version of “Silent Night” ends with the line “sleep in heavenly piiii-ISSSSSS, slee-eep in heav-en-ly piss”.

4.) Your headline about row-by gondola shootings will be “VENICE - THE MENACE”.

5.) People who voted for an admitted rapist for president and are pushing for a child molester in the Senate are pillorying a woman of legal age to smoke cigarettes for blowing smoke rings because she’s black. Screw you, GOP.

6.) I think I cleaned this bedroom TOO much. It is unnerving. Inhospitable. Too orderly, too neat. It doesn’t feel like anyone would live here, let alone a disorganized person like myself.

7.) Here’s my holiday challenge for you: everytime you are subjected to “Christmas Wrapping” by The Waitresses, you have to punch whoever forced it on you right in the mouth. If you turn it on the radio by accident yourself, punch yourself as hard as you can.

8.) Don’t forget Cyber Monday’s coming up! Make sure to have cyber sex with at least five people Monday, as per our nation’s holy tradition.